This is day 4 of my fast. I have been reluctant to share the journey as it is a very personal one. We fast for eternal significance-to glorify God. I don’t share this for any other reason than to teach and encourage others to do the same thing.
This is my fourth fast. The first few fasts were 24-48 hours. The third fast was for 7 days. ( water and v-8 ) I never thought I could make it that long but with God’s strength, I did. The first few days were hard and after the third day I had no hunger pains.
This time has been much the same. I am on day 4 and I won’t lie-it has been harder this time. God is cleansing me, preparing me for ministry. The temptations to eat have been tremendous. Overwhelmingly so. I open my refrigerator to get a drink and all I see is food! All the things I love lie behind that white door and when I open the door the little light comes on and says, ‘ here we are! Look at us! Pick us up and eat!” That is temptation in it’s purest form for me. Just like an alcoholic with booze. I am addicted to food. It doesn’t matter what it is- ( except maybe liver-LOL) I’ll eat it!
Why don’t I clean out my refrigerator? Well, there are other people living here who need to eat and if I did that I would be taking something away from them. If I take away the food am I really helping myself overcome the temptation? I’m not sure. But I can take away the type of food that is not good for me. I am sensing God building His strength in me every time I SHUT the door and come away empty-handed. Praise God!
I have no hunger pains at all-just this incredible desire to eat because the food is there. I have had no solid food since Saturday night. I am drinking GATORADE, v-8 juice and water. I have cut down my coffee consumption from about 9 cups a day ( yes 9! I am a coffee hound!) to 2 or 3. I had massive headaches for two days and yesterday and today the headaches are gone. Praise God!
Yesterday evening was a little rough. I faded fast and could not get warm. I was so tired but I couldn’t sleep. I was also very cranky. I had made some vegetable soup earlier and I had some of the broth from that with about 5 saltines. That helped me a lot-to continue on and not quit. The funny thing is that I wasn’t hungry-but my body was weak and tired. I remember doing the week long fast and Pastor Ronnie telling me not to be too legalistic-don’t beat myself up if I need something. Just get it and move on. So, that’s what I did.
I am praying about very specific things and I have no timeline on my fast. I will break my fast when I feel ready. I have to keep myself busy and I have found that cooking food for my family gives me comfort. It reminds me to be a servant and to meet their needs first. I am a selfish person and God has been working that out of me over the past several months. I am sick of myself. Not me-but the things inside of me. He is dealing with my inner issues. It’s hard, but oh so worth it! I can see clearer and hear better.
I had been having dreams about not being able to hear or see. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a start and sit up in bed, sometimes groping around and sometimes asking hubby if he said something to me. It has been unsettling. Because of certain experiences I have had I feel like all of this has to do with the spiritual state of the world and the church universal. That the world is blind to it’s spiritual deadness. It is only when God has touched our hearts that our ears become unplugged and we can hear what He is saying. He is telling me that the world needs true followers of God to get His Word out. People need a touch from God, through each one of us. He is knocking on the door to my heart asking me if I am ready. In fact the night before last I was awakened by a loud, strong knock on a door. Only one. It was in my sleep state. Since then I haven’t had any other dreams or awakenings. This has happened since beginning the fast.
So, here I am at day 4 serving THE ALMIGHTY GOD who gives me strength and sustenance through His Word. When I feel the desire to eat I turn to God’s Word, music or journaling/blogging. I have not lifted a pencil or a paintbrush. That desire is not there. What I do desire is to get God into every cell of my being and know Him completely and fully, like never before. I am focusing all my energy on serving my family and others and not self.
I am reading “Called and Accountable” by Blackaby-it’s actually a study I did several years ago. I’ve been going over it again. I have also been studying Paul and Ephesus and the temple of Artemis. It has been eye opening. One of the things I have learned is that the artisans of the temple of Artemis became angry when Paul came and shared the gospel. Why? Because he was taking away their livelihood. ( which equates to their wealth) What was their livelihood? Making idols of Artemis through their art ( the idol Diana-who was a fertility god) and selling them. This is why I have no desire to draw at this time. I am inspecting my own heart. The gift of art is a tool and that is it. It is a tool to share God’s Word with the world. It is not to be idolized or sold for profit against God. The city of Ephesus stands no longer. I wonder why? Read your bible and find out!
Today I will be feasting on God’s Word-will you join me?
“Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.”
(all photos from internet)