Tonight as I was riding my motorcycle I could feel negativity creeping into my mind about my weight issues. I have had small successes and have become more focused on God. The girls made this delicious dessert yesterday-raspberry bars. Cream cheese, raspberries, raspberry preserves and a crust. I had a few bites and found myself liking it too much. That was yesterday. On Tuesday night we met for Soul Food and Brian told us that we all needed a cheat day-a day where we can eat anything we want in moderation. So, today I heard Brian’s words in my head and I decided it was okay to have a small piece of the raspberry bars. I had eaten my salad and then had the bar. I had a piece the size of HALF a deck of cards. It tasted way too good and I found myself wanting more. I didn’t have anymore, but not because I didn’t want it, but because we had left the house to take an evening ride with the girls. All the way down the road I heard this negative recording in my head- “oh you blew it, you ate that bar, you dummy you shouldn’t have done that-now you have messed everything up-you’ll never get to your goal. And on and on and on. ” My fear is one of failure. Fear keeps me chained up.
Well, we got to Meadows of Dan, one of our favorite places to stop for ice cream. Everyone had ice cream but me. I had water. Truthfully the ice cream did not bother me-I was still thinking about the raspberry bar! Not wanting it anymore-but trying to get those negative feelings out of my head. I mean I controlled my portion and didn’t have a second piece. What’s the big deal? This is what it is like to be consumed by thoughts of food and then by feelings of guilt and negativity. It plain stinks. How do I break this chain?
So, before leaving Meadows of Dan I texted my friend Brenda and told her how I was feeling. She text me right back with encouragement and scripture. She told me that satan was up to his tricks and that I was victorious and he didn’t like it. She’s right. I have no reason to feel guilty because I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t have and I controlled my portion. I feel like I am being tested to see if I will fall on my face. We stopped at Amy and Tony’s on the way home and Amy and I talked about it. She told me to get rid of my “stinkin’ thinkin’.”
Breaking the chain with the Word of God.
As we rode home I started thinking about the road and my fears. Riding the motorcycle always, always, always brings me to another place. I am very aware of my life when I am riding. I thought about the road and how I must keep my eyes set on what is ahead of me, not behind me or beside me, but what is directly in front of me. What was in front of me? The road to home. Cort was riding in the lead position and he was preparing the way for me. Then I thought about how God has gone before me IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE , IN EVERY MINUTE DETAIL, IN EVERY BREATH I TAKE and how He has paved the way for me. In my mind I heard God telling Joshua and the Israelites ” Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Then I heard this in my head:
” Wherever I go.
God will be there.
Do not look to the right or the left-but look ahead. Keep your eyes on me Donna. I will not take you anywhere without a way out. Follow me. I have gone before you. Trust in the Lord, I am your God. ”
The farther we rode the more I heard it in my mind-it became like a meditation for me. It was there at every curve, turn and stop. It’s still there now. I know, without a doubt, that my two friends have been praying for me-because I am stronger now, several hours later, than I was earlier. The thoughts are gone and have been replaced with thoughts of getting up early in the morning and hiking the trail. I’m going to do this. WE are going to do this. God and I. Me and God. I’m His girl, He’s my Guy. How do I know? Because “my Guy” has already gone ahead of me and I am already victorious! He knows the plans He has for me and I have to BELIEVE them and TRUST!
There is FREEDOM in CHRIST and I am claiming it.
Thanks be to God for the Word of God, for Jesus, for all of my studies, teachers, leaders and prayer warriors.
I AM AN OVERCOMER!
( photos and art from internet)